How I Learned To Love Myself


Photography by Nimat

When I look back at my old Facebook photo's I think why did I hate myself so much? 

I look back now thinking wow, yes babes! But the harsh reality is I vividly remember feeling like I was too fat.

When I was younger I was quite chubby and I was definitely teased about it by people. I think this gave me a complex and even after I lost a ton of weight after my brother passed away I still didn't really love myself. 

This is how I know that losing weight will never equal happiness. I digress.

Unfortunately, this is the reality for a lot of women that I know and follow on social media. Up until about two years ago, I was obsessed with cutting carbs, going vegan, gymming super hard all with the goal to lose weight. Why? Because I have never felt like my body was appealing. 

What the hell was wrong with me?

The truth is nothing was actually wrong with me. I was perfect. I am perfect. It took me a long time to become body confident and even now I am still working on it but I am grateful to have role models who constantly show me the realities of the media, how it is so flawed and that no one should be allowed to tell me what I should look like to be accepted.

I realise now that up until this point I have been on a journey of self-discovery and self-love. I adore people like Grace Victory (she is literally my favourite person) for being raw, open and honest about everything. 

I owe a lot to her for helping me love myself.

I think it is important to follow people like Grace because we really need to see more plus size and curvy women in the media, especially on social media where Instagram is filled with Facetune, waist trainers, and photoshop. It is hard not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself and feeling shit for not being thin.

My journey to self-love started a couple of years ago, there wasn't a specific trigger but I decided I was gonna stop beating myself up. I started following more plus size and curvier women, women who represented me. It gave me a much-needed boost seeing women embrace themselves on the same internet that ridicules celebs for having too much cellulite.

Taking time out for yourself is also a really important part of self-care. I am invested in taking hot baths, face masks, just sitting in front of the TV and watching Netflix even turning my phone off and enjoying a phone free evening. All of these things are conscious efforts to reconnect with my body and my mind in a world where there is a demand to be always on.

Another really powerful method that worked for me (and may not work for you) is affirmations. I stand in the mirror a couple of times a week and just say really positive things about myself. Things like I am amazing, I am strong, I am beautiful. You think this is really tiny and won't have much effect but thoughts become things.

Loving yourself is a journey and it is not as straightforward as reading a blog post. You really have to practice what works for you. These are just some of the things that work for me and like I said I am still on a journey of self-discovery.

I get really upset when I hear women talk about themselves as if they are not worthy because of their shape or size. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of being, you are worthy just because you are you.

This was definitely a bit of a ramble but I am sure you get what I am trying to say here.

I hope this helps someone reading this, wherever you are. Do you love yourself? 

Love and Light xo

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